I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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