If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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