watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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