Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
