so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I deserve this hangover.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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