Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
