Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize