I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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