New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize