I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
