You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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