Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
