..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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