I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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