Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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