how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
