Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
