You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize