someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Randomize
