dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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