if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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