I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
