i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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