I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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