im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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