Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
