So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
