I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
