all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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