dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
