he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
