i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
