yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
