we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
