So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
