do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
