I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
