I bet he comes in French.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
