Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
