Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
