oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize