So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
