remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
