I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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