i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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