her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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