Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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