so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
