i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
