i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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