I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
