WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
