those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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