1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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