I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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