Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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