Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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