She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
