genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
