if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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