Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
