just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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