if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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