haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize