and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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