the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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