I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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