I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
