i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
