I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
