I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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