he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
