Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize