I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
