I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she looked like the before picture.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
