Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
