this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're a waste of cheezeits
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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