I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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