You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize