its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
