I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
