So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize