Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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