Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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