He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
