Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You can't special order awesome
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
