I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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