i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
