is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
