I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
