I need help removing her.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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